


Never Before, or Since

by Menecairiel



Category: Sharpe (TV)
Genre: Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 23:08:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2206488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menecairiel/pseuds/Menecairiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A ficlet of Sharpe reflecting on Perkin's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Before, or Since

Major Richard Sharpe had never felt this before. He had seen men die, had held  
them...and he knew he could lose anyone of his Chosen Men at any moment. Yet,  
he felt as if he had betrayed them all.

Especially Perkins.

The boy who had died in Alona. One of his Chosen, who had indeed been Chosen  
by Sharpe to be a part of them. He realised that he had never guessed what a  
big part of the camp Perkins was, with his silly jokes and comments, and the  
odd mistakes he would make as any youth would. And now he was dead. Nothing to  
be done about it, it happened in war. 

Then why did he feel so bloody guilty?

"Sir?" Harper's voice cut in as he moved to sit beside him. "You should wake  
up Hagman for the next watch, sir"

Richard rubbed his palms together and shook his head. "No...he needs his  
sleep"

"Aye, but so do you, sir," Harper said, and looked ahead for a moment. "You're  
never this quiet, sir. Something the matter?"

"Damn right it is..." Richard murmured and took a breath. "Did it take long?"

"Did what take long?" Harper asked, tilting his head for a moment as he turned  
to look at his Major. Were there tears in his eyes? No, it couldn't be...and it  
most likely wasn't.

"Did it take long before Perkins died?" Sharpe looked down for a moment,  
frowning.

The silence stretched between them, before Harper's reply came in a tight  
voice. "Aye...it took some time before he went..." he gave a weak chuckle, a  
sad one. He could still feel Ben's hair against his face, feel how cold he was  
turning. He knew he was dead before the boy died, simply by how heavy he  
became in a moment. But then, once he was gone...he realised that the boy was  
so fragile. 

"Was he in pain?" Sharpe's voice cut into it, tearing the painful memories  
away from Harper.

"Aye..." Harper said and frowned as he looked down. "He was in pain...not easy  
getting stabbed in the gut. It took a while before he died, and he was awake  
all the time of it...crying, he was..." tears came to Harper's eyes. "And  
calling for his mother"

"Jesus..." Sharpe sucked in a breath. "Jesus...and you were all there..."

"Aye, we were," Harper murmured and took a breath, his brown eyes going to  
lock on the sparks of the fire. "He asked a tune of Hagman...Harris was close,  
watching him..."

"And I wasn't there," Sharpe suddenly said and straightened. "The boy was  
dying and I wasn't there to witness his sacrifice. I was too busy saving that  
bloody woman..." he sucked in a breath though his teeth and covered his face  
with a hand. "Pat, Perkins could be alive if I had been there..."

Harper looked at him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Perkins knew what he  
was doing...and God watches him now"

Sharpe nodded and rubbed his forehead. "I feel so bloody useless, Pat. And  
guilty. How old was he when we took him in? By God, it's years back...and he  
was just starting to shave...had a lass...he was happy"

"At least he was happy before he died," Harper said quietly. "God works in  
mysterious ways. And I only feel ashamed that it was an Irishman who murdered  
him..." he shook his head and then gave a chuckle. "The lad was shavin', all  
right...shaving something similar to what you have"

Richard gave a weak chuckle at that. "Did he? Poor bugger don't know style..."

"Poor bugger adored you," Harper whispered quietly. "Don't go wasting his  
memory on feeling guilty. When you think about him, think about him as a good  
lad. A good Chosen Man. Or he'll come back an haunt you, and you'll be useless  
to us"

Richard Sharpe nodded with a weak smile. "Get some sleep, Pat. I'll wake  
Hagman up soon"

"Good..." Harper nodded and stood up, before walking away, leaving Richard  
Sharpe to his own thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this 11 years ago. Wow.


End file.
